Why’s It So Hard was the eleventh track from the Erotica CD. I wanted to make a copy of this song and send it to each one of my brothers and my sister. Except for my youngest brother, he was always cool about me being gay.“I’m telling you brothers, sisters why can’t we learn to challenge the system without living in pain.”
I kept thinking back to the moment I started writing my story about Thaddeus, and the fact that I could feel his presence. After I received the card from his mother informing me of his death, I believed this more than ever. I didn’t question it at all.
Writing the story about me and Thaddeus was very liberating. It felt good to put my feelings down on paper and share them with people that I loved, even though they had a tough time understanding what I was experiencing. It was the beginning of the fight for my life. I would write many more chapters over the next several years, and when it was all said and done, I wrote over 400 pages. I wanted my family to accept me for the person I was, not for the person they wanted me to be. Through these stories, they got to know the real me, like me or not.
It was at this point in my life that I sat down with my God, again, and asked a crucial question. “Why was I born into my family?” I knew other gay people that had completely different experiences coming out. Why couldn’t I have that? Why couldn’t I have the love and support that those people had? The answer would come much later in life.
In January of 1992, someone new came into my life that would be responsible for helping rebuild my soul. I had already experienced several reincarnations at the age of 30, but this particular rebirth was very auspicious.
Why’s it so hard to love one another
Why’s it so hard to love
What do I have to do to be accepted
What do I have to say
What do I have to do to be respected
How do I have to play
What do I have to look like to feel I’m equal
Where do I have to go
What club do I have to join to prove I’m worthy
Who do I have to know
I’m telling you brothers, sisters
Why can’t we learn to challenge the system
Without living in pain
Why can’t we learn to accept that we’re different
Before it’s too late (first time only)
Why’s it so damn hard (all other times)
What do I have to learn to know what’s right for me
What do I have to know
What am I going to do when I feel righteous
Where do I have to go
Who should get to say what I believe in
Who should have the right
What am I going to do with all this anger
Why do I have to fight